you're a mystery yourself

Saturday, August 30, 2008

11:40 AM

$300 Rent.
$200 Dad

$400 Transportation
$300 Food

$80 Hand phone
$100 Basic necessities
$??? Entertainment and Shopping

I am taking up class 2b now as well too.

Oh wells. I am not going to grumble that i need a pay raise or life is unfair to me or what so ever.
I guess i am pretty much happy that i am in control of my own life now. And that i dont have to depend on anybody for financial support anymore.

Who at my age managed to achieve this? Not many. And who actually give allowance to parents? Only one of my close friend does. One.

I am pretty contented on the rate that i am going now though i secretly wished that i was born rich, have a very rich boyfriend so i dont have to strive on my own so much. But on the another hand, i thought to myself, even if i have a rich boyfriend, i would still strive to be financial independent.

Nothing beats the feeling of being in control of your own life.

I am sore that i still dont have the means to give my mum allowance yet. But, i hope 2 to 3 years time, i would be able to do it.

I was thinking back the days that made me a person i am now. Separated from parents since young because of studies.

Bad childhood memories.

Wasted childhood.

I can easily hate the person who gave me whole load of hell when i was young, but without the bad memories, i dont think i can be the person i am now.

I was often humiliated.
Often slapped/beat.
Often criticised.
Often deprived of love, care and concern.
Often treated as maid.
Often go to school with loads of bruises on my arm, face and leg.

I dont know how i survived all these. I think my faith keeps me going.

I dont know if my parents know all these. I guess they must be heartbroken if they knew thier daughter were being treated this way.

I kept quiet throughout my years of staying at that person place.

Until one day, i ran out of the house. And, that was when parents thought thier daughter was being beyond 'parental control'. They thought thier daughter was so so bad. Dad even wanted to send me back to bangkok. How nice i thought.

Till now i still cant bring myself to be nice to dad. I know he did alot of things for me. But he wronged me in many ways.

Can parents give me back my supposedly 'wonderful childhood'?

Haha. They cant. But i am happy that they still love me. I am still proud that i dont smoke, i dont sleep around, i dont do drugs and i dont live my life aimlessly.

Love keeps me going. I still believe there is fairy tale love story. Its my man, who keeps me going. Without my own happy family. I still have a happy relationship. (:

Praise the Lord. (:

*Claire, our Bangkok Trip! When When??

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